2012: Time for new Oval Office rug

December 15, 2011 § Leave a comment

For some reason, in the middle of the night, all the 2012 Presidential candidates reminded me of carpeting. No, no, I was sober. Maybe what caused the thought was Romney’s hair, but whatever the reason, each person looking to be President struck me as a carpet type. Below are the various styles available.

THE GINGRICH: Shag carpet. Lots of depth. Been around for a long time. When it’s kept nice and vacuumed and raked (remember that?) it is appealing to many people. But when the carpet gets messed up , the strands are all over the place, out of control and who knows what you’ll find if you look down deeply into the base of the shag. Old cookies, bugs, a few mysterious stains. Who knows? You either love this style or you hate it.

THE ROMNEY: An expensive, rather boring plush. Nothing out of place because there is nothing to get out of place. It’s a plain beige carpet so it can go with anything, and usually does.

THE PAUL: Throw rug. Kind of far out, in unusual shapes and colors that don‘t always match the tastes of the average person. Doesn’t go with all decors, but there is a lot of love for it with certain people. Not much chance it will be used in the main room of the house, but it might make people think more about what they really want.

THE BACHMANN: A wall-to-wall carpet that doesn’t quite reach all the walls. A generally appealing carpet but not big enough for the main room and quirky little flaws show up from time to time. Better than the current rug, just not as good as possible.

THE PERRY: Indoor/outdoor carpet in a choice of one color. Tough, durable and not very deep. Don’t look for much more than what you see on top. May be a little basic, but could get the job done in a pinch.

THE HUNTSMAN: An overlooked carpet that would be good for the job. It’s just kind of bland looking so it doesn’t get much notice. Maybe someone will eventually use it for something important, but not for the main room in the house.

THE SANTORUM: This carpet is sitting unsold in the warehouse and no one expects that anyone will buy it any time soon. And no one cares.

THE OBAMA; THE RUG THAT NEEDS TO BE REPLACED: Originally, this carpet was thought by many naïve people to be an attractive wall-to-wall type that promised a beautiful appearance. However, the carpet was cheaply made out of synthetic materials and it was nowhere good enough to do the job. The carpet started to wear out on the first day it was installed and already had lots of dirty stains. Finally it just gave out altogether and was a big mess. Has lots of holes that people trip over, causing them lots of pain. The people who originally bought the carpet blame the holes on everything but the carpet’s lack of quality, while others ignore the holes and stand on the parts that are still intact, and say, “what a great carpet!”. They want to keep the carpet, but don’t have any good reasons for why that would make sense.

Note to self: Next time, get something with a lot more substance and quality that is deserving of being in our great house.


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